Notite XIV

Forgive and forget.
For you,
Not for anyone else.

Mantra

Photo: desnudamento-ser.tumblr.com

Fake it.
Fake it until you make it, that's what they say.
Maybe if I tell myself everyday
That sheep are dancing, and that they can fly
They will, eventually, and they won't let me die.
Maybe if I tell myself I'm not lonely every night
That the sheep are keeping me company
And hug pillows until I fall asleep
I will be embraced, eventually,
In my sleep, up in the sky.
And maybe if I tell myself every morning
That if I open my eyes you are there
On the other side
You will be, eventually,
And the crying of the sheep will stop
For there is, finally,
Hope.

Notite XIII

Maybe this is the path into becoming a wolf myself.

Aftermath

Photo: desnudamento-ser.tumblr.com

I'm tired of always having to bury the people I love
But I have to, otherwise they would fill me with disease
With disease and with desire
And the dead, they can't stay more than a few days in the sun
They can't stand the light in my house and, other than that,
They stink.
So I ask them to remove the body,
I clean the house and I patiently wait.
What for?
For the pain, of course.
For the pain to come
For the pain to go away. 
I never go to the funerals
I don't need to see them again
I don't need a final goodbye
I don't need any of that.
Once the beloved is gone
There is nothing left to do
Than prepare the bed sheets only for one
And the breakfast too.
All the weekends
And all the happy time
The time in general
I sit for days and prepare time
As if I would sew my laundry
My broken laundry
Gloves and socks
Only for one
Never in pair
As if he was never there.
So I clean the house and patiently wait.
But the pain is never patient
And it never goes away
And the smell either
They never go away.
There is still someone dead in my house
And that someone is me.

Nature boy

You're so beautiful it makes me sad.
Your eyes make little sparks when you smile
And a big hole underneath your left lash,
Near your scar
Where I like to kiss you the best
When you are distracted
And you don't see me
But you don't see me at all
This is why
You're so beautiful it makes me sad.
Your arms become stone-hard
When you hold me underneath
Where you like to kiss me the best
But I am never distracted
Only by you
Each day, every day
But you don't see me
How could you?
You are so beautiful
So beautiful it makes me sad.
Your feet over me in the morning
Leaning heavily
Everywhere
When you are asleep
Like a baby, holding me
Distractedly
Only then
Maybe you see me
Because you need me
I bring you comfort
Bring you pleasure
A place to forget your troubles
Maybe
But you don't see me
As I see you
Because I don't need you -
You don't bring me comfort
You're so beautiful it makes me sad.
You bring me pleasure
But so much pleasure
It almost makes me cry
When I shiver over you
Like a baby too
And you kiss me
And you smile underneath
Because you know.
A place to forget all my troubles
Yes, you are
You're my home
And I love you
When you come knocking at my door
But you are my biggest trouble
When you are away
Because I don't know
When you'll ever ask me to stay
For good.

(For R.)

Wolfsbane

I moan silently in the night
Like a squeaking dog
You ask me what is wrong -
You're too weak, wild cat
Much too weak
If you want to come with me into the cold
Please grow strong
Otherwise I will have to leave you here
When the summer ends
Because I've always been a winter wolf
A lonely wolf
That has to survive.
I am just like you, lonely wolf
Forgive me
But if you want me to be your friend
Into the winter
You will have to tame me
And then be responsible for me
The one you tame
For I am still weak, you see
Much too weak, you say
But you chose me
Now please don't cast me aside
Or I will die
And you will never find
Someone to lick your wounds
When the battle comes
Like I would have.
As weak as you see me
I am a particular creature
That grows stronger than all the others
Through the love of her mate
And the fate
Brought two wolves together
A grown-up and a cub 
To save
Them both.

(For R.)

Notite XII

Pielea transpirată miroase a corcodușe.

Mort tăcut

Pentru o secundă e liniște. Te retragi și te desfaci. Corpul tău e greu. Dar nu îl simt greu. Parcă te-ai topi. Și te țin mereu să nu te împrăștii pe lângă mine. Te strâng tot înăuntru cu mâinile goale. Și mâinile tale sunt căzute. Ghearele noastre sunt obosite de cât au sfâșiat. Lupii cad obosiți din luptă. Își usucă sângele unul peste celălalt. Te mângâi pe părul strâns și ciufulit pe care nu mă lași niciodată altcândva să îl ating. Miroși a iarbă udă. Fiara din mine e fericită. Nu mai e nevoie să o hrănesc. Cu nimic. E momentul din zi când mintea mea tace. Singurul moment. Aproape adormim pentru un minut. Nu sunt ferestre la camera noastră. E un spațiu în toate părțile. Un spațiu care se dilată la nesfârșit. Și corpul tău care mă împinge în jos. Pe pielea mea cresc încet flori. Verzi la început. Apoi violete. Și dureroase. Corpul meu prinde rădăcini în tine. Nu va mai fi niciodată sterp. Sau singur acum. Ne scufundăm în saltea. Și pentru o secundă e liniște.

(Pentru R.)

Home?

Why do I feel like crying everytime you crash into me
It's the best feeling I ever had
And the saddest at the same time
I never had love like that
I never wanted to tell someone this bad
How I wish I could die right now
When he's all wrapped into me
Legs and arms
Heads and hairs
Skins and sweat
And I wake up smiling into the night
Wishing I wouldn't have to wake up at all.
Please don't ever leave
I love you
But you will never know
Our bodies are silent
As they die into the night
With screams
And pain
So much pain
From finally being allowed to move
As if they never knew
They had tears of pleasure too
And not only sadness
In a little place
They call home.

(For R.)

Notite XI

Making love to you
Is like a silent cry
Trapped in the walls
That are waiting for the earthquake
To set them loose.

(For R.)