duminică, 30 aprilie 2017

The butterfly effect

The butterflies you once planted in my stomach
Are now dying
They are making me sick
I myself am dying from their sickness
You once said we are going to keep them growing forever
Beautiful and radiant inside
Together.
Now I hope they are not going to stay there
Still growing
But sick inside of me
Forever.

miercuri, 22 februarie 2017

Shavassana, the corpse pose

As I layed there on the ground
With my body still
And my eyes wide open
And my heart wide open
I looked as if I was dead.
I could feel the blood dripping
From the back of my skull
Slowly, draining me completely
And for some reason I knew it must be black
For it is the color of everything I have felt inside
For the past few days, and now for the last time.

State of pain

There is a state in this whole wide world
That everyone visits some times in their life
And fortunately leave it at some point
Sooner or later.
The rent is free
And the company is none
People live out here naked
No clothes, no food, no comfort
We live on a wooden floor
With no water to wash ourselves
After our daily struggles
Of releasing the memories within
With scratched marks on our skin
And no medicine to treat our disease
That comes from the heart
And it can't be put to ease.

There is not a map to trace every street
Every corner of this place we're in
We just know no matter how much we wander
It all goes round and round
And right in the middle
It's ourselves. We are simply isolated
Like in a prison
Where the peace comes only at night
Where the lucky ones can sleep
And forget
Or at dawn, it doesn't matter when
Because you're always on your own
And there is no one to disturb you
When you finally let go
Nor someone to hold you
When you wake up again.

This is the state of pain
And you exiled me here
Out of your world again.

sâmbătă, 18 februarie 2017

A memory is a shadow. A shadow is death

Saying goodbye to ghosts is the hardest thing
I should know it better
For how long I've practiced
To let go
That I've become one myself
Living in the past
Trying to recast
Your shadow on the wall.

The moment I start to live in the walls of our house
To get them to remember
The contours of your shape
Instead of living in the house with my own body
And my self
That is the moment where I begin to die.

I'm sorry for all the days I didn't let the sun come in
I'm sorry for all the days I didn't let you come in
I'm sorry if I pulled the curtains
I was afraid
You'll get inked in the walls
Of my heart
And when you'd leave I'd die.

Needless to say

It's needless to say
How much you've changed me
How much my poems speak like you
And how much my words align
For your eyes only
In days that seem without trace or end
I still look for you everywhere
Even though I never saw you
I know how you must be
For you've shown me
And you've lived so long inside my mind
That I've tried to erase you
But I can't.

It's needless to say
How much you've changed yourself
How much your poems are not like you
And how much your bitter words align
For no one
These days without trace or end
You don't look for me anymore
Even though you never saw me
You should've known how I must be
For I've lived so long inside your mind
But you erased me
And I can't.

vineri, 17 februarie 2017

A poem you'll never read (about a love story that never happened)

I guess this is finally it
That goodbye
We thought will never come
Or I did
Even though you are the one that promised
Would never disappear.
I never liked to make promises
But I was true
I promise
I was true
But never safe
And it proved me right
Because one day you hurt me by surprise
And for that you never cared apologize.

vineri, 30 decembrie 2016

Decrescent

I wait until all the lights go off
And everyone falls asleep
I wait in front of my cold cup of tea
And long forgotten about it
All these hours that I here forever sit
And look up the window
How the night turns dark
And you'll forget my name
I know it must be so
Some of these days
Until the year is complete
And so the moon in your heart for me
It slowly decreases until there's nothing left
But air, very thin
And then the sun, a replacement
Where, not so long ago,
Only I have been.


A miracle

Let's take the first train out of the city
I say to my friend
"Sure, you do that
And I'm taking the first bus home"
I sigh.
We are smoking two dead cigarettes
Somewhere on a street
In this dead city
Ever so dead these last few days
You sit and say
Only a miracle could make you
Move yourself up from that bench
I say let's go find it
But you think I'm not the right person for it
Your miracle
And that you'd get bored with only me
As if we needed something else
In the cold dead night
Other than two mouths that know each other
And can easily shut up
While we save our heat
To reach the end of this dark
Until the new year comes up.

joi, 29 decembrie 2016

Frozen

I lie on your shoulder
Freezing cold, with two glasses of wine
And not so warm gloves
Your mom is talking with you on the phone
And shouts for a minute
I pull myself closer to you and whisper
'I'm glad you're not like that'
My only normal friend
My only friend.
I reach home with glass
Instead of fingers and toes
I remember how I saw a man
With reindeer horns
As I was walking down the road
It's funny how it doesn't hurt
When you no longer feel nothing at all
I have this frozen body
And warm water that feels too cold
I take a shower that is more like a bath
By the looks of my tub.
You always come in after a while
To ask if anything is wrong
And get closer to check
In case I tell you a lie
One of these days, since you are not here at all
I might never stop that water from running
And turn forever cold.

miercuri, 28 decembrie 2016

Sweater meshes

We have a pointy needle on the wall
And sharp claws at the end of our cat's paws
But them I can't ask you to hammer back in
For unraveling my sweaters' meshes.
We live in a house full of cups and spoons
And a kitchen full of teabags
That plugs our sink's flushing sometimes
But you don't complain
As other people do
Just like you don't complain
When you hear me flush my nose
Or make funny laughs
While I sit all heavy on your belly
Like a pie
Or a cub.
We have a washing machine
All full of laundry
But you sit in front of the TV barefoot
While I tell you how your feet are wet
They wet my Santa socks
As we keep them stuck together
Paws on paws
And I spin my teaspoon
In my cup of tea
But they are just cold, you see.
One of these hours
I'll send you out to buy some bread
The coke you like
And a pack of cigarettes
For you finished mine
While I was asleep
But for now we'll just stick
With the tea
In front of the TV
Turn off the movie on channel three
That's already started
And watch Ice Age from my CD
Until our hungry bellies growl
With discontent.