vineri, 9 decembrie 2016

Social being

I only like to meet you when it's dark
And you can't see my face
As I slowly adapt my breath
And my face
With its stubborn teeth
To the act of talking.

You see, other people
When leaving their house
Need to adjust their eyes
At the sight of dark.
When leaving my house
I need to adjust my eyes at the sight
Of people.

joi, 8 decembrie 2016

Closure

We were intimate without touching
Like birds must be
Sharing a brench
Some smidgens of bread
Or better - some insects
In the lucky days.
Always flying at one another
Always reaching with their beaks
Almost as about to share a secret
But what words could come out
From their teethless mouths
Always reaching
Never touching
But everyday feeling
That this day, shivering together
In the cold winter, sharing a brench
They were closer
Always a bit more closer
Than the day before.

luni, 5 decembrie 2016

Scene of the crime





Before their last breath
Insects die with their legs crossed.
I remember this is how you left me
That final time I let
You inside my heart and in my bones
A creature other than my own
Inhabit my bitter self
And what you did was push me aside
Calling me names about my shrunk body
That couldn't relax for the stranger outside.
That was also the first time
And I've been with you ever since
Without loving you a single bit.
But my poor heart kept trying
As my flesh couldn't forgive
The marks you left on my open body
That first time when you didn't love me
A single bit.


vineri, 2 decembrie 2016

Reflection

When I look in the reflection on my entry glass
At the door to my house
I try to take a picture of it, so I can show you
How I look like in the evening, when I come home
But the camera stops with a flash
And you can't see my reflection.
I'm like a ghost
Only I can see myself.

I hate it when people try to make contact
Confessing to me
About their feelings
Or declarations of love.
It always feels like they want something
And I have nothing to offer.
It's like at some point I've been broken
And all of my feelings have fallen apart,
Down somewhere,
And I can't reach them.
Lately I've been feeling
I don't want to anymore.
And the little that I have left
Is to survive only
The ultimate quest
The ultimate wish:
To shrink.
So don't accidentaly rub your leg
Against mine
Nor push me with your elbow
In sign of joke -
It's not funny.
And don't kiss me on my cheeks
At goodbye -
I don't kiss.
I don't touch you
So don't touch me back.

I hate it.
I fear it.
I cry over it. Late at night. Every night.
You don't know repugnance like I do.
So don't reach for me
Please
I'm not there.

marți, 29 noiembrie 2016

Late night ghosts

I think about you all the time
When I'm alone or I'm with others
That I sometimes forget how I'm alone
And you're away and almost
Always with others
And think of me rarely
But not as much
As to keep you late at night, you say.

Only if you knew how many times
It kept me
And woke me late in the morning to remember
The walk we had together for an hour
Was unreal, but a dream
That the image of you is so fragile
It simply crumbles
At the rays of dawn
And I have to look at pictures
Quickly, so I don't lose my ghost
But mostly,
It is so I don't lose my mind.

Only now I almost had you
I saw your picture in my head
And in my face
And relaxed all of a sudden, as in a dream
There was someone there, but I only saw
You and me, together, in dim lights
With two cups of something in front of us
Empty, with the liquid
Already on our lips
And them, not moving
To speak a word, but smile
Finally silent
Finally reaching
To touch
Our hands across the table
As I raised my arm to hold you
Finally happy.

luni, 21 noiembrie 2016

Gummy beared body

As it stood there
The body didn't look like a body anymore -
A surface
A curve
A broken circle
A lost horseshoe
Or a yellow jelly
Like those children find
In yellow gummy bears.
You chew me
Only for you
And my body feels sweet
For the fact it only looks that way
Like a ripped gummy bear
In the first light of day.

When the body hides its head
And stays naked like this
You almost forget it has an age.
Suddenly
It looks like the body of a baby
Stretched out
Like an elastic jelly
A colorless jelly, a tasteless jelly
Suddenly
The body feels soft
For the fact it only looks that way
You could almost feel the short hairs
Golden ones
Like in chicken fluffs:
What we have here is a bigger baby
With sadder thoughts.

Fetal - Credits

Tonight the sky

Tonight the sky looked like neon
As if someone from up there
Beyond the veil
Took a chewing gum
And stick it in the dark
As if it were a screen
A wet screen
Smelling of sweet and saliva.

vineri, 18 noiembrie 2016

When the baby was a little man

I remember how the baby
Was afraid of water.
Now the baby falls so deep into the water
Every time he sees you
It falls from his eyes
Waters his lungs
Makes him choke.

When the baby was a baby
It knew no tears
Except for those
That required attention to the body
His little human heart
Hasn't yet been broken apart.

When the baby was a little man
He learned how to draw grooves
Inside his fists, his shoulders
In the hollow of chest
For his waters to rest.
So that every time he was about to fall
He would tighten his body
Wouldn't let it show
And his heart wouldn't be drowned
As so many times before.

But from time to time
Even the grown up baby
Is afraid of water
And his body crumbles
Every times he sees you
And his little human heart
Gets soaking wet
Because you make him forget
He has a body at all.
kayeblegvad.tumblr.com
 

joi, 17 noiembrie 2016

The last days

I think of you from time to time
And I mostly smile
I think of you from time to time
And I feel like crying.

I remember how you looked like
That day in the park when you stood and smiled
And waited until you got home to tell me
How pretty you found me
That last day
"Mighty pretty
I felt like taking a picture
But it felt like some sort of rape
Without your permission".
I remember some other day
You stopped and gave me
A long hug goodbye in front of the block
And waited until you got home to tell me
How sad you felt and how you'd miss me
How you had a feeling
We'd grow far from each other
How that would be the last time
We'll ever be that close.
How right you were.


But not this guy

I sit on the bus
I close my eyes
Suddenly the man next to me has your scent.
It's late in the afternoon
The hour people are coming home
And the time of day they have that smell
That warn smell of sweat
Mixed with the flavor of their shampoo
And maybe with the washing powder they use
Some come in the scent of sweet
Some smell like my mother's laundry in the winter.
But not this guy
He smelled of summer
The smell you had the day I kissed you
And your neck was wet from the thrill
And your hair was soft
Like a baby's sort of soft
I remember how I liked to press it on my fingers
And how I thought we humans have the same scent of skin
That vanilla undertone our body secretly has
When it gets warm
The smell of home
My father told my mother she had
That he would recognize it from a thousand other women
When he would press his skin against hers.
You had the same scent of skin that night
The smell I get when I overstay with my head upon my arm
And my face keeps its warmth
You had that certain feeling
I got when I changed my spot on the pillow
When it got too warm in the morning
And the material kept its smell
A perfume without a bottle.

I remembered how you smelt that way
When you carried your bike in the sunlight
That day in the park
You stayed closer to me
Than any other day
And hugged me on the bench at night
While I was leaning on your shoulder
And when our skins pressed like sheet papers
I felt how the sun had left a mark on your body
Getting that smell again.

You used to tell me
How you'd introduce me to your dog
Watch movies together in open air
And have picnics in the forest outside the city
And wouldn't accept a no.
I remember how you showed me the park near you
My favorite park
What a beautiful day that was
Among the first daysof summer
The only ones we got
Until the hot wather came
And the sun took you away.

I think of you from time to time
And your picture fades away
There are days where I can't grab a face
Or the way your funny teeth smiled in the sun.
Except for days like these
When I close my eyes
And I can pretend a stranger on the bus
A man I've never met
Smells like home.