sâmbătă, 20 mai 2017

A little death

My heart died twice
In empty beds
Still with your shape
In the sheets and in my body.
My heart died twice
Hearing your voice in the distance
As you were leaving
First with anger and second with a lie
I suppose I should've learned my lesson
After you pushed me away so easily
That first day
When I couldn't open up to you
I should've known this is a pattern
And I shall see it the day you leave
That final day
When, after I've opened to you completely
You were already whispering to another in the morning
Waiting to cut in another body.
You poor cruel wolf!
You cold creature.

My heart died twice
In empty sheets
In empty rooms
By your hand.
You first killed my body
And then my love.
You see, what he did to me
Was nothing compared to you
But he layed open
Another piece of me still streaming with love
A piece you never reached
A piece he did when he hold me in his arms that night
And mercilessly killed
Just like you
One of a kind people
He killed my skinny, bare heart too
In such a short time
At least you had the heart
To let me live for a while.
My heart died twice
In empty rooms
Followed by your voice
Naked in your absence
He, one day, found my bare skin
And thought
It would be nice
To taste from it for a week or so
And then leave it there
Open, bleeding
Still hurting
After your leaving.

My heart died twice
What he did to me was nothing.
I'm still dying alone
After your leaving
I cry and gather pieces
That are still loving for you
Loving,
But never forgiving.

miercuri, 17 mai 2017

The wet blanket is now dry. Here's why

I cut you off
Don't!
I don't want you to speak
You had your time
And this time around it is me
Who will do the talk.
You were always complaining anyhow
About my quiet ways
My crying days
I suppose I knew it would come to this
Everytime you would say not to worry
Or when you apologized:
Meaningless words I never believed
A lot more dishonest compared to my silence
The silence you always despised
And thought to be weak
Has now cut you off
Still snakes wait and wait
But when they bite
They swallow you up completely.
Isn't that what you wanted me to do?
Here you go, sweety.

Isn't it amazing
How I blew you away?
You could never come back now
You are empty of it anyway
And even if you wanted to
I'm not wet for you anymore.

The long goodbye

I thought that putting you in a cage
Would make you stop kicking me
Or kicking around
Making me aware of your struggle
I didn't want to see.
I thought I would stop hating you
Stop hating myself
If I put you somewhere away
In the dark where I wouldn't hear you
Where you couldn't scream or move
Because you knew no one could hear you
Or release you
But me.

I promised I would do that tonight
But now I think I will do it tomorrow
Or the day after that
When I will stop remembering you
Every two seconds
And not care anymore.
The day I will release you
I want you to be fine
I want you to stop looking me in the eye
I want you to turn your back at me
Don't love me anymore
Stay in the corner and mind your business
And forget we were ever friends
Now we are just roommates
Me and my pain
That will never touch each other again
Because if they do
One of them will have to die
And I won't think twice and wonder why
Because the answers were long given
Before our final goodbye.

duminică, 14 mai 2017

A wild sheep chase

They rush upon you like wolves
The moment they see you alone
With their charming endeavor
And their sharp claws hidden
Ready to use
"Pret-a-porter"
The instant you become weak
And you show your soft, fluffy skin
That skin you used to stir just a few days ago
"How much I like your soft body
You are soft from head to toes"
But my fingers will never again end up
Between your sharp teeth
I am not made for fleeting, passing days
And for romances that only last a week.

But I've learnt my lesson now
Murakami would be proud
Of his little sheep
She finally understands
She's more than a prize to win 
And she's not made for a wolf
For he never changes his skin.

Tony Montana and the poor unfortunate eyes

They don't say for nothing not to look in a human's eyes
When they kiss you.
"The eyes, chico, they never lie!"
Well, Tony couldn't have been more wrong.
Your eyes lied
And so beautifully they did
You stared and stared for hours
Until you stole my heart
It squeezed through my lips
And left me with a breath
When, for a fleeting instant
I dared look at your eyes
Your poor, unfortunate eyes
That, when you kiss me
My heart fells down and dies.

Buttoned blue shirt

There was something about the morning light
That was dressing us that day
There was something about your soft hair
That was sleeping in between my fingers
There was something about your hoarse voice
That was tickling my ears
That hoarse, lovely voice.
It was so silly of me to fall for an embrace
And for sweet, easy promises
Made in the beauty of an instant
It is the dawn to blame
And some magic it brings to heartless beings
Like you.
I should've known better, I say to myself
But no one has ever hold me like that
With hands closed tightly in weak parts of my self
You said you would always hold me like that
Never let my body fall apart
And when you buttoned my shirt that day
The shirt you gave to so many girls
I should've known better,
I say to myself
But instead, I fell for a silly embrace
And some easy promises
Made in the light of dawn.

(You never believed in them.
 So why should I?)

luni, 8 mai 2017

Dealer de somn

The past few days the moon has gotten very deep into my stomach
And the stars spread onto my skin
Like a rash
That night after you kissed them
Like nobody has ever done before.
I think you finally cured me
Of my dying sun
But beware, for even new born stars have their time of death
I just hope this time I'm not gonna implode so badly
And the peaceful night
Is finally upon me.

duminică, 30 aprilie 2017

The butterfly effect

The butterflies you once planted in my stomach
Are now dying
They are making me sick
I myself am dying from their sickness
You once said we are going to keep them growing forever
Beautiful and radiant inside
Together.
Now I hope they are not going to stay there
Still growing
But sick inside of me
Forever.

miercuri, 22 februarie 2017

Shavassana, the corpse pose

As I layed there on the ground
With my body still
And my eyes wide open
And my heart wide open
I looked as if I was dead.
I could feel the blood dripping
From the back of my skull
Slowly, draining me completely
And for some reason I knew it must be black
For it is the color of everything I have felt inside
For the past few days, and now for the last time.

State of pain

There is a state in this whole wide world
That everyone visits some times in their life
And fortunately leave it at some point
Sooner or later.
The rent is free
And the company is none
People live out here naked
No clothes, no food, no comfort
We live on a wooden floor
With no water to wash ourselves
After our daily struggles
Of releasing the memories within
With scratched marks on our skin
And no medicine to treat our disease
That comes from the heart
And it can't be put to ease.

There is not a map to trace every street
Every corner of this place we're in
We just know no matter how much we wander
It all goes round and round
And right in the middle
It's ourselves. We are simply isolated
Like in a prison
Where the peace comes only at night
Where the lucky ones can sleep
And forget
Or at dawn, it doesn't matter when
Because you're always on your own
And there is no one to disturb you
When you finally let go
Nor someone to hold you
When you wake up again.

This is the state of pain
And you exiled me here
Out of your world again.

sâmbătă, 18 februarie 2017

A memory is a shadow. A shadow is death

Saying goodbye to ghosts is the hardest thing
I should know it better
For how long I've practiced
To let go
That I've become one myself
Living in the past
Trying to recast
Your shadow on the wall.

The moment I start to live in the walls of our house
To get them to remember
The contours of your shape
Instead of living in the house with my own body
And my self
That is the moment where I begin to die.

I'm sorry for all the days I didn't let the sun come in
I'm sorry for all the days I didn't let you come in
I'm sorry if I pulled the curtains
I was afraid
You'll get inked in the walls
Of my heart
And when you'd leave I'd die.

Needless to say

It's needless to say
How much you've changed me
How much my poems speak like you
And how much my words align
For your eyes only
In days that seem without trace or end
I still look for you everywhere
Even though I never saw you
I know how you must be
For you've shown me
And you've lived so long inside my mind
That I've tried to erase you
But I can't.

It's needless to say
How much you've changed yourself
How much your poems are not like you
And how much your bitter words align
For no one
These days without trace or end
You don't look for me anymore
Even though you never saw me
You should've known how I must be
For I've lived so long inside your mind
But you erased me
And I can't.

vineri, 17 februarie 2017

A poem you'll never read (about a love story that never happened)

I guess this is finally it
That goodbye
We thought will never come
Or I did
Even though you are the one that promised
Would never disappear.
I never liked to make promises
But I was true
I promise
I was true
But never safe
And it proved me right
Because one day you hurt me by surprise
And for that you never cared apologize.