Mirror, mirror on the wall

It's like you existed in me long before I met you
You came and stopped my time for a few years that seemed like seconds
And now I am growing old again, waiting
Time is only an infinite amount of waiting
:when will I see you again, are you ever coming back
Will I just touch you again when I will come to your dead body
Only then will you let me see you
See your face again, lifeless
Only then will time stop again
And take me in the ground with you
For as long as you live I carry a knife inside my chest
Everywhere
I can't breathe, but as long as you exist
I can't pull it out and die;
I'm hanging from the ceiling, held by sharp threads
Like a wooden doll
I feel the stings everywhere
Your moves remembered
And repeating in me, taking me along
As you move on.

Have you ever tried to understand, have you heard
All my words lost in the echo
Of an empty building
That has your face painted on the walls
I can still see the bones in your arm so clear if I close my eyes
I can feel their hold on my arm, and the way our fingers intercept
The short grips by which we communicate
When we are in public, like a Morse code in the war
I can feel the bones
I can feel my grips
They are typing in thin air
I can feel
Everything
If I close my eyes
But nothing types back
My soldier is dead.

This is a letter going to nowhere, on an endless sea
I can only pray some storm can cross the distance in your eyes
For my gentle rhythm will never reach you,
It's long since you left, and I've grown tired
I can't run the streets anymore to catch you as I used to
I can't hear your voice at night and I can't grab your hoodie to my face
I can't hide under your chin on the bus, I can't feel your comforting smell in my mouth
I can't get to your house and climb up the stairs.
For I am scared
There is a corpse floating in that room
And your ghost is long gone
Clothing a shape I can but remember
While its body was on a train
Taking you far, far away.

Where are you?
Why did you take that train?
Why did you tell me to wait for you?
Why did you make me promise never to forget?
Until when
Will I shout for you, will I decompose
I'm crying my heart out every night
Trying to get you out of my system
But all the food, all the blood I puke can't contain you
It's too much of you in me
It is too much from it, everywhere
I can't look in the mirror
For I see you
It is you reflected again, and the words you used to put
To every face I used to make
And you have seen them all
You have seen all of me.
I was a bare soul in front of you
And you didn't like what you see
I make you sick
And for that I can't even look back at myself
For the words you put now to my faces
Are of pity and disgust.
I try to clean it off everyday, I try to be better
But I will never be better
Than I was with you.