Late night ghosts

I think about you all the time
When I'm alone or I'm with others
That I sometimes forget how I'm alone
And you're away and almost
Always with others
And think of me rarely
But not as much
As to keep you late at night, you say.

Only if you knew how many times
It kept me
And woke me late in the morning to remember
The walk we had together for an hour
Was unreal, but a dream
That the image of you is so fragile
It simply crumbles
At the rays of dawn
And I have to look at pictures
Quickly, so I don't lose my ghost
But mostly,
It is so I don't lose my mind.

Only now I almost had you
I saw your picture in my head
And in my face
And relaxed all of a sudden, as in a dream
There was someone there, but I only saw
You and me, together, in dim lights
With two cups of something in front of us
Empty, with the liquid
Already on our lips
And them, not moving
To speak a word, but smile
Finally silent
Finally reaching
To touch
Our hands across the table
As I raised my arm to hold you
Finally happy.

Gummy beared body

As it stood there
The body didn't look like a body anymore -
A surface
A curve
A broken circle
A lost horseshoe
Or a yellow jelly
Like those children find
In yellow gummy bears.
You chew me
Only for you
And my body feels sweet
For the fact it only looks that way
Like a ripped gummy bear
In the first light of day.

When the body hides its head
And stays naked like this
You almost forget it has an age.
Suddenly
It looks like the body of a baby
Stretched out
Like an elastic jelly
A colorless jelly, a tasteless jelly
Suddenly
The body feels soft
For the fact it only looks that way
You could almost feel the short hairs
Golden ones
Like in chicken fluffs:
What we have here is a bigger baby
With sadder thoughts.

Fetal - Credits

Tonight the sky

Tonight the sky looked like neon
As if someone from up there
Beyond the veil
Took a chewing gum
And stick it in the dark
As if it were a screen
A wet screen
Smelling of sweet and saliva.

When the baby was a little man

I remember how the baby

Was afraid of water.

Now the baby falls so deep into the water

Every time he sees you

It falls from his eyes

Waters his lungs

Makes him choke.

When the baby was a baby

It knew no tears

Except for those

That required attention to the body

His little human heart

Hasn't yet been broken apart.

When the baby was a little man

He learned how to draw grooves

Inside his fists, his shoulders

In the hollow of chest

For his waters to rest.

So that every time he was about to fall

He would tighten his body

Wouldn't let it show

And his heart wouldn't be drowned

As so many times before.

But from time to time

Even the grown up baby

Is afraid of water

And his body crumbles

Every times he sees you

And his little human heart

Gets soaking wet

Because you make him forget

He has a body at all.

kayeblegvad.tumblr.com

 

The last days

I think of you from time to time
And I mostly smile
I think of you from time to time
And I feel like crying.

I remember how you looked like
That day in the park when you stood and smiled
And waited until you got home to tell me
How pretty you found me
That last day
"Mighty pretty
I felt like taking a picture
But it felt like some sort of rape
Without your permission".
I remember some other day
You stopped and gave me
A long hug goodbye in front of the block
And waited until you got home to tell me
How sad you felt and how you'd miss me
How you had a feeling
We'd grow far from each other
How that would be the last time
We'll ever be that close.
How right you were.

But not this guy

I sit on the bus
I close my eyes
Suddenly the man next to me has your scent.
It's late in the afternoon
The hour people are coming home
And the time of day they have that smell
That warn smell of sweat
Mixed with the flavor of their shampoo
And maybe with the washing powder they use
Some come in the scent of sweet
Some smell like my mother's laundry in the winter.
But not this guy
He smelled of summer
The smell you had the day I kissed you
And your neck was wet from the thrill
And your hair was soft
Like a baby's sort of soft
I remember how I liked to press it on my fingers
And how I thought we humans have the same scent of skin
That vanilla undertone our body secretly has
When it gets warm
The smell of home
My father told my mother she had
That he would recognize it from a thousand other women
When he would press his skin against hers.
You had the same scent of skin that night
The smell I get when I overstay with my head upon my arm
And my face keeps its warmth
You had that certain feeling
I got when I changed my spot on the pillow
When it got too warm in the morning
And the material kept its smell
A perfume without a bottle.

I remembered how you smelt that way
When you carried your bike in the sunlight
That day in the park
You stayed closer to me
Than any other day
And hugged me on the bench at night
While I was leaning on your shoulder
And when our skins pressed like sheet papers
I felt how the sun had left a mark on your body
Getting that smell again.

You used to tell me
How you'd introduce me to your dog
Watch movies together in open air
And have picnics in the forest outside the city
And wouldn't accept a no.
I remember how you showed me the park near you
My favorite park
What a beautiful day that was
Among the first daysof summer
The only ones we got
Until the hot wather came
And the sun took you away.

I think of you from time to time
And your picture fades away
There are days where I can't grab a face
Or the way your funny teeth smiled in the sun.
Except for days like these
When I close my eyes
And I can pretend a stranger on the bus
A man I've never met
Smells like home.

The last time

You keep saying how you’ll come visit

Lately I’ve gotten used to the feeling

You’re never gonna come around again

And there are times when I get afraid

That’s the last I’ve seen of you

And try to remember the last time I saw you

How you looked like that day

The smile on your face as you pulled back

Our shortest hug

Our last hug

The doors closing in front of us

And the promise

A promise we’ll go back to that moment

And live it together all over again.

But we didn’t.

And I try to remember the last time I saw you

Maybe the last time I’ll ever see you

I never got to say goodbye.

Strangers again

Before we were friends
We were strangers
Because we didn't meet
And didn't talk
And introduce ourselves.
Now we are strangers again
Because we don't meet
Don't talk
And don't introduce ourselves
Into each others' lives
Anymore.

Before we were friends
We were strangers.
Now we are strangers again
Strangers with memories.