Reflection

When I look in the reflection on my entry glass
At the door to my house
I try to take a picture of it, so I can show you
How I look like in the evening, when I come home
But the camera stops with a flash
And you can't see my reflection.
I'm like a ghost
Only I can see myself.

I hate it when people try to make contact
Confessing to me
About their feelings
Or declarations of love.
It always feels like they want something
And I have nothing to offer.
It's like at some point I've been broken
And all of my feelings have fallen apart,
Down somewhere,
And I can't reach them.
Lately I've been feeling
I don't want to anymore.
And the little that I have left
Is to survive only
The ultimate quest
The ultimate wish:
To shrink.
So don't accidentaly rub your leg
Against mine
Nor push me with your elbow
In sign of joke -
It's not funny.
And don't kiss me on my cheeks
At goodbye -
I don't kiss.
I don't touch you
So don't touch me back.

I hate it.
I fear it.
I cry over it. Late at night. Every night.
You don't know repugnance like I do.
So don't reach for me
Please
I'm not there.