Monthly check

6 boxes of pills a month
5 hours of sleep a night
this is what keeps my body together
and the feelings away
for 4 months now.
the doctor asks if I want to see him again
in 3 months
you seem better, Alice
how are you dealing with the pain?
all these memories, doctor
they are making me sick
the past always must be paid for, Alice
and I'm paying for it with my vomit and my blood
every day, so don't say another word.
i have 2 different crushes a month
and 1 person who truly cares about me
if I wouldn't have him i would go insane
the doctor asks me what helps
what truly helps?
6 boxes of pills
5 hours of sleep
for 4 months now
in 3 months i'll recover for sure, he says
but i still have 2 different crushes a month
and nothing sorts out
if that 1 person who cares about me
wouldn't call each and every week
for a new cup of tea
and a little talk with me
oh, then, my mad hatter,
Alice would go crazy.